Reflecting on Father's Day

 I originally composed this in response to a group writing challenge posted by Jennifer Fuwiler, "What are three things your parents did right?" It's mainly about my Dad, rather than both of my parents, because I've come to realize that he did in fact lead our family in nearly every respect. The older I get, the more like him I want to be. Of course, I've rambled on beyond three things.

The most difficult, and the most important thing he did right for me was that he threw me out of his house. I could visit any time I wanted, but I wasn't allowed to sleep there.  I grew to be very grateful for it, and I was glad to be able to tell him so before he died. I was a selfish, sessile, immature ingrate of twenty-three years when he did it. It put me through some hard times, but I would not ever have become self-sufficient had he not compelled me to do so. The number of blessings which have come from this are beyond counting, believe you me, and thankfulness is foremost of them.

He always resolved his disagreements with my mother. It might have taken time, involved obnoxious debating tactics and yelling, and been difficult and trying, but not one of us ever for a moment imagined that either of them would leave. Somehow, in spite of reading dictionaries to relieve boredom from the age of seven, the word "divorce" never entered my vocabulary until age 10. He may have been motivated by the fact that my mother was the only woman he met who actually liked his rotten sense of humor. From this I've taken the lesson to be absolutely faithful and committed to my marriage. I also learned from both of them to use and respect reason and logic, and I'm grateful that they attended Marquette back when that was part of the curriculum.

They set limits and made us responsible. They didn't compel responsibility, but rather enforced consequences when we overstepped the boundaries or failed in our responsibilities. One example of this was that after about age 10 or 12, I forget which, each of us was expected to earn our own spending money; this was before the near elimination of minors as paper carriers. It helps to explain why I had no real anger or resentment when my dad decided to throw me out.

Another example that I think deserves wider application, was the TV ration (though they didn't call it that). We were each given one hour a week where we could tune the telly to whatever we wanted (of the 3 major networks, CBC, PBS, and the three independent stations that they had in Detroit at the time). One of the by-products of this was that I read a lot, learned a lot from reading, and listened to a lot of good music. In fact, I credit about 20 points of my Intelligence Quotient to this policy alone.

But the ways we benefitted from it do not stop there.  It taught us that resources are limited and the wisdom of planning. Every Sunday, we'd all pore over the TV listings, planning where we'd spend our allotted time on the TV. We would carefully weigh the merits of all the shows we wanted to watch, and which was the very best on which to spend our time. It taught co-operation and risk-taking. Most movies are broadcast over two hours, so in order to see an entire movie, we had to either obtain the co-operation of one of our siblings beforehand, or watch the first hour and hope that one of them (or one of our parents!) would be sufficiently engrossed to watch the rest.  It also taught us that most of popular telly is crap.

And finally, it taught us that the recipient of a positive externality does not owe anything to the person who provides it. If my brother the Geek happened to choose in advance a program I was seriously considering choosing, that freed me to choose something else, without any concern over whether he'd like it or not.

This is a lesson that also applies to the rest of life, and far too few people seem to grasp this. As an example, suppose you live in a neighborhood with a neglected home that is such an eyesore that it has depressed the value of your own home, and those of your neighbors. I move into the eyesore, kill the rats, mow the lawn, fix the windows, scrub off all the graffitti, install fiber-cement siding, plant a garden, repair the sidewalk, and pour a new concrete driveway, making the former eyesore into a model home. The value of your home, and the others in the neighborhood, increase, along with the equity position of each of the homeowners. In short, you have benefited from my action. You will get more money from them if you choose to sell or obtain a second mortgage/ home equity loan. And you don't owe me a cent!

The same goes when the situation is reversed, however. If I were to sell that home to a postmodern "artiste" who painted it blaze orange and fuchsia and nailed assorted bits of trash to it and the trees I'd grown there, and pruned the trees into phallic topiaries, it could very well decrease the value of your home, perhaps even leaving you owing more on your mortgage than you could get from its sale. But just as you didn't owe me anything for making your home more valuable, neither does the artist owe you anything because its value has dropped.

The most splendid example I have seen of how to morally handle positive externalities, also known as the "free rider" question (i.e., 'how do we make free riders pay?), was from L. Neil Smith's libertarian novel, Pallas. The terraformed world of Pallas is populated by a libertarian society, that tolerates no coercion of anyone, and especially not gun control, fiat money, or taxes. But it suffers an orbital change, resulting in an ice age. There is a technological means to survive, but it is hugely expensive. The villain of the book promptly demands that an armed band be formed to demand "fair shares" of the needed money from others. The hero, who has become filthy rich from a couple of very GOOD inventions counters, essentially, "Don't bother. I'll pay for it all. Why shouldn't I? What good is all the money to me when I'm dead? And how is it any skin off my nose if, by saving my own life, everyone else lives too?"

If you do yourself some good, be glad! If that means you do somebody else some good, be glad! If the good you do yourself is good enough by itself to get you to do it, how on earth does it hurt you if that helps somebody else get ahead too? The idea that just because somebody else gets ahead means you must have been put behind is silly at best, counter-productive or even evil at worst. Besides, if the other has any sense, he'll be grateful and kindly disposed to you for the incidental good you did him.

Surely there's more; they both encouraged me at all times to seek to do and be better; they brought me to Mass every Sunday and Holy Day of Obligation for at least the ten years from age 5 to Confirmation at 15; they demonstrated by example that what we could prudently afford was always good enough. And Dad left his copies of The Freeman around for me to read, so that I learned to love liberty. The list goes on and on. But I won't.

Happy Father's Day to all men who are fathers of any type, and may God bless you and all those under your paternal influence.

Deo Gratias!

Deo gratias! Habemus Papam Franciscum. Gaude!!

I've looked over Jorge Bergoglio's biography at CNS, and his Wikipedia page, and I have great hope. May God bless him and keep him, and richly bestow upon him the graces of his charism.

On Feminine Beauty

for reasons I don't intend to go into atall, I went back to Waiterrant today. I started from the beginning, clicking through his first few posts until I got to one entitled Leftovers. In it, the Waiter discusses what makes a woman beautiful and desirable, and some of the truly horrific damage some of them do to themselves in pursuit of the Main Stream Media norm of physical perfection, which is utterly divorced from reality. If you doubt it, watch the video.



Deo gratias, my wife is sane. She may not be aware of the Photoshop effect, but she does know how her skeleton is shaped. She eats like a human being, not a famine victim. I love her, she is as beautiful as she could be, and our marriage is a deluge of God's grace into my life.

I'm A Man

Many thanks to the redoubtable Simcha Fisher, whose blog "I Have to Sit Down" (see Blogs I Like in the sidebar) is always a delight, for leading me to this interview she did. It includes some insight into how to deal in a Catholic, Christian manner, with same-sex attraction. Read and enjoy.

And also to What Lies Beneath, a meditation on the true nature of Reality that is so often hidden from us. Read and enjoy that too.

EUREKA!!

One of my heroes is Dr. Stanley Williams, PhD. When his series, "Trying to Fly With One Wing" was posted at Catholic Exchange, I was enthralled. I sought it eagerly, as it seemed one of the finest bits of apologetics I had ever encountered. Eventually it disappeared from CE, and then from the entire web, as far as I could tell.

But now I have found it again! First at CatholicLane, where they are up to part 4, and then after some googling, on a blog devoted entirely to the series. I am thrilled to find it available once again, and I'm making sure it's in my sidebars.

The Death of Peak Oil

Good News On Two Fronts. Salute to the Western Confucian.

The story relates two things: first, how a Russian scientist, Vladimir Kutcherov, was able to manufacture methane and other hydrocarbons -- some much like petroleum -- by mimicing conditions of the Earth's mantle. He combined iron, water, and calcium carbonate (limestone) at about 30,000 atmospheres, and got hydrocarbons. He hypothesizes that oil and natural gas are the products of geological processes having nothing to do with dinosaurs or other fossils. This is supported by rumors that some North Sea and Gulf of Mexico fields once thought dry are producing again (see the comments on that post). The second part of the hypothesis is that fluid hydrocarbons make their way to the surface through deep cracks in the crust. Map those cracks, and you'll find petroleum and natural gas.

If he is right, what does this mean?

First, it means that we will not run out of oil and natural gas until the Earth's core freezes solid. The argument for deadlier, lightweight cars is at least partly a fraud, as are those for mass transit.

Second, it means that oil exploration will become vastly more efficient and widespread. Instead of 20% of exploratory wells striking oil, it will be more like 70%. And many areas once thought to have no promise could have lots of oil. We may well find oil on every continent except Antarctica ... and maybe there as well.

Third, it means the number one ally of violent jihadism is going to be the NIMBY syndrome. Make no mistake, the primary exporter of violent jihadism is Saudi Arabia's Wahhabi Muslims, and they are financed by petroleum. If energy independence is going to get much more widespread, their share of the petroleum market will precipitously decline.

Plans and Suffering

God has a plan. Sometimes, His plan is to let us fail. It accounts for those who choose spiritual wilderness and even damnation, though such is not His desire. He just loves us too much to impose His will upon us without our consent.

It was a Protestant preacher I first heard this from (I paraphrase): "The tool with which God shapes us into what He wants us to be is suffering." Look at those who are most thoroughly aware of God's blessings. They have gained that awareness through suffering. I certainly wouldn't be thankful for all the wonderful things in my life if my dad hadn't thrown me out of his house.

Lois McMaster Bujold is one of my favorite writers. This wisdom she put in the mouth of one of her characters (again, I have to paraphrase): "A test is a gift. It isn't so important whether you pass or fail. But if you refuse the test, you refuse the gift."

We don't know everything. We don't know why we suffer. But we ought to know our suffering has a purpose and that God's grace, goodness, and mercy are infinite. Remember who the fools and villains are in the book of Job -- the ones who told him things like "You have brought this on yourself" and "Curse God and die."

God knows what we need for our salvation. One of the challenges of a Christian life is to trust Him when it seems so far removed from our own desires.

On Serving (because it's annoying me)

I've been reading Waiter Rant, a blog written by an anonymous fine dining waiter in New York. He's an excellent writer, if regularly more spicy with the language than is family-friendly. It's easiest to start at the beginning and click forward through his 430+ posts one at a time.

Part of the reason I enjoy the blog so much is that the Waiter is a very good writer. But part of it is also because I can relate. I waited tables for a half-dozen or so years. And as a result of reading all that the Waiter had to say, bunches of things have been burbling through my mind while I'm at work, relating to a job I haven't held for six or seven years.

Working for Tips:

I'm of the opinion that those service professionals who work for tips prefer it to a fixed wage. I certainly did. I wasn't a fabulous waiter, but I was fairly good and I did enjoy it. There is satisfaction in knowing you are helping others have a better time, in knowing you are doing a good job, in being a sales professional, and in knowing you have earned the money you've made.

The whole point of working for tips is this: it gives the service pro a direct and powerful incentive to put his patron's wishes first. This is good business sense for both the server and the owners. Any business does best by developing continuing relationships with loyal customers. Such relationships are made by providing good service and good products. Putting the server's compensation directly in the hands of those they serve makes it far more likely that the server will seek to provide good service.

The reason that good service deserves a 20% tip in fine dining restaurants is that the server is required to tip the barkeep and the bussers, and sometimes the hostess and the cooks, for at least 5% of his sales, regardless of what you leave for him. I worked in family restaurants with no bars, so for me that wasn't an issue and 15% was regarded as a solid tip, but in many other places that's not how it will be.

Evangelizing servers:

I have a deep Christian faith, and I laud anyone who is trying to win souls for Christ. I have never, ever seen a tract left for the server do so. I understand your mindset; what could be better for your server than salvation and resting eternally in the Beatific Vision? But it fails because you are leaving two witnesses, which are contradictory.

On the one hand, the tract tells the server, "I love you and want the most wonderful of things to happen for you!" Yet every tract I've ever seen left for a server has always come with either a stingy tip or no tip at all. And so the witness of the tract is contradicted by the witness of the tip.

With a stingy tip, you tell your server these things:

• I do not value your work, no matter how sasisfying you find it to help people enjoy the blessings of God's creation.
  
• I do not value your service, no matter what Jesus said about how his followers should become servants.
  
• I do not value you, either.
  
• It is stinginess that is next to Godliness, not generousity.
  

With that witness, you give scandal. You lead your server to the sin of holding Christ and His followers in contempt. You give your server reason to think that Christians are all sanctimonious hypocrites who can mouth prayers one minute, treat others badly the next, and never feel a twinge of conscience. You convince him that Christians are not known by their love. I do not know a single service professional who would not rather serve a generous pimp than a stingy preacher.

Sometimes, the tract is printed to resemble a large, folded bill. That is infuriating enough, but such tracts nearly always chide the server for wanting money, as if the worker was not worthy of his wage! It adds insult to injury.

If you truly wish to have the witness of your tract bear fruit, make sure that your generousity to those not saved shows in your tip.

Advice to Servers:

You're actually a sales professional. As such, it behooves you to not antagonize those whom you depend upon to provide your product and serve your patrons. This particularly includes everyone in the back of the house.

One thing you can do to reduce friction is to remember this: if your patron asks, all annoyed, "Why is it taking so long?", they do not care why their food is taking so long. What they really want to know, and what you should ask the cook, is this: "Table X wants to know, how long for their food?" With that information, you can tell your table what they really want to know, which is when they will eat. Patrons get be much less stressed when you calmly tell them, "We are having some difficulties in the kitchen, and I am sorry, but you should have your food in X minutes."

I would help the cooks any way I could if they were in trouble.

I avoided cussing. There was a cook I worked with, and he used foul language like punctuation in ordinary conversation, and most of us couldn't tell when the cussing went from punctuation to expressions of frustration. On the other hand, I had merely to snarl, "Dog's blood!" and two or three of my coworkers asked me what help I needed.

Finally, a sales professional gets wealthy by developing and cutlivating a regular clientele. Your goal is to wow your customers with such fabulous service that they return often, ask for your section, and tip heavily each and every time. Some customers will never be generous, no matter how good you are. As long as they aren't making things bad for other patrons, consider being as good to them as you can, as an expression of Christian charity or an act of penance.

God's Plan

The Spirit works through Catholic Exchange. Perhaps not 100% of the time for 100% of people, but often enough for me to thank God for leading me to this community.

Today, God helped put a couple of articles on the front page. First, this one, from Thomas Wenski, Bishop of Orlando's first appearance on CE:

In the prologue to John's Gospel (John 1:1-18),read at Mass during Christmas Day, the complete fullness of God's plan of salvation is spread out before us. The One who was with God at the beginning before the whole word and who, as God, created, brought into life and enlightened everything in the world, has entered into the world - and he does so not in a grand style that would intimidate us, but in humility. He comes in the poverty of Bethlehem, born of a woman. He comes to us small and weak, so that we can draw near to him without fear, so that we can embrace him without hesitation.

On to Chuck Colson, with this article on Catholic Exchange. Here's the cool bits:

It is through the Incarnation God sets His grand plan in motion. He invades planet earth, establishing His reign through Christ's earthly ministry. And then Christ leaves behind an occupying force, His Church, which is to carry on the work of redemption until His return and the kingdom's final triumph.

It just struck me as so cool, to be part of God's occupying forces, an army waging war for salvation through love! Truly is the wisdom of God folly to the wise!

And if the Protestants ever stop using the term, "Salvation Army," I hope we pick it up.

Christmas music

If there's anything that really annoys me about this season, it's how much deliberately Christless holiday music gets played. Even the local Billy Graham station falls prey to this malady. So for Pandora, Deo Gratias! I've created a station just for specifically Christian music celebrating the season -- here's a link.

Like all Pandora stations, it's a work in progress. But given how thin the reasons they give for playing the selections they do, I think that either they have a hard time wrapping their software around my nearly completely traditional tastes in Christmas music, or they aren't willing to fess up to their recognition of it.

Deo Gratias!

Like most of those I read, I am thankful for life, breath, food, shelter, the love of God, salvation, my family, and my friends. But also, I am thankful that fountain pens persist, more than forty years after they were overshadowed by the ballpoint.

I enjoy writing on paper. And no writing instrument is so comfortable for long stints of writing by hand on paper than a fountain pen. They require almost no pressure or effort, and can be held at a more comfortable angle than other pens. If you prefer to write with a light hand, find one and give it a try! Remarkably inexpensive models can be found at I Sell Pens and His Nibs.